Kate wrote in the comments of my last post, “About Me” that I started well and then it all seemed to peter out – equating vanilla icecream with who I really am? Lame-ass.
That chick is a girl who’s right on the money. I was afraid. Afraid that I could have been staring at my computer screen for hours on end, hesitant to make contact with the keyboard for fear of what I would write.
Internally, right here, right now, I’m feeling rather angry. And blogging when angry is dangerous. I’ve been there before – and the results were, er, explosive. Looking back, not my proudest moment. I’m not one to easily forgive or forget. My bad. What I have learned however, is that hanging onto resentment is self destructive and counter intuitive. How to let go of past wrongs…I’m not sure – it seems to be definitely a conscious decision to fill your mind with the good stuff and gratitude for what you have in the now, what you’ll have in the future and gratitude that you had the wisdom to leave some things and some people behind.
Right now I’m angry at myself because I’m messy and that I am a champion procrastinator. I didn’t want to mention the procrastination part in my last post – though I have joked about the fact on this blog that at one stage I owned five books relating to procrastination and organization and never opened them.
Beating myself up about this isn’t the solution. Guiding myself clear seems like a more feasible alternative. It’s the same with our weight, our dress sense, our training – we spend so much time beating ourselves up about how we’re not good enough, yet it’s never ever enough to create long lasting success in this area. Looking at my weight loss journey, it was when I stopped being so self critical that I was able to create the magic – so therein lies the lesson.
This week, I’m planning on hitting the iron just that bit harder. I’ve knocked together a rough plan for the rest of the week – two heavy strength/power type sessions and one session that is more endurance based – just to mix it up. There has been a distinct lack of goals on the fitness front lately and the global goal is to be fit, healthy and moving like a twenty year old – and restoring my muscle mass to my glory days and beyond. Whilst I’ve never been one for numbers, I think that this time around I’m going to book in for DEXA scan to really evaluate how much muscle I can gain in say the next six months. In other words, to have a start and a finish goal. I’m through with thrashing my body for kilometres on end running and right now it’s too cold for me out on my bike to enjoy it without buying more gear. Come summer though, I want to be heading out on that road every weekend.